A Guide for the Socially Anxious
by Dr Lauren Alex O’Hagan
We are pleased that friend of HMT, Lauren, felt inspired by our work on Somewhere I Belong, to add her thoughts about managing anxiety in gig situations. She writes:
“For me—as I’m sure for many others—you can’t beat the thrill of live music. When those house lights go down and your favourite band walks out on stage, the feeling of excitement is indescribable. And when the guitarist breaks into that iconic opening riff and everybody around you smiles and cheers, it’s a truly magical moment.
But I am a paradox.
Because as much as I crave and love these things, the whole setting of live music terrifies me.
I’ve been living with social anxiety for the best part of eighteen years now and it’s in
situations like concerts and festivals where it really hits me. My anxiety has hindered me more times than I care to remember, from getting to the door of an arena and having to turn around and head back home or running out of shows halfway through in a state of panic.
Having a two-year break from the live scene due to the pandemic has also made matters worse; any resilience I had built up before, I’ve had to learn from scratch again. I don’t want my mental health condition to stop me from enjoying my biggest passion, so I’ve had to learn ways to help me manage, to find what works best for me, to ensure that I thrive, not just survive, at live music events.
So, here are some tips for others who may also feel like me:
- Book in advance… and preferably a seat!
My social anxiety is worsened by situations out of my control when I don’t know what to expect, so I always ensure that I buy my ticket as soon as it becomes available. That way, I can decide exactly where I want to be. Personally, standing is a no-go for me as being amongst crowds of people sends me into sensory overload, but some venues are sympathetic and have let me bring my own foldable stool or chair when I’ve explained about my anxiety. If seats are available, then I always choose one on the end of an aisle—it reassures me to know that I can make a quick escape if I feel a panic attack coming on. I am also willing to pay more for the front row (not being able to see those around me seems to really ease my mind) or a private box (again, being away from others helps a lot).
- Arrive early… but not too early!
Leading up to the day of the concert, I am usually a nervous wreck, worrying about all sorts of things that most other people wouldn’t think twice about and whether they might trigger a panic attack. In fact, I am usually so anxious that I can’t even eat. To manage this, I try and arrive at the venue early. This gives me time to find my seat leisurely and also without the embarrassment of feeling that people are watching me and, God forbid, that I accidentally trip over in the dark and make a fool of myself. Once in my seat, I look immediately for an escape route—it’s comforting to know how I can get out of the venue quickly, should I need to. I also bring a bag of sweets with me: it helps keep my blood sugar up, gives me something to distract myself with as I wait and also carries a sense of childhood nostalgia that calms me. But at the same time, I make sure that I am not too early because this can just make my anxiety worse as I sit there watching the crowds pour in. Again, the sweets come in handy! Or if you get a chance to hit the merchandise stand before, programmes are another positive way to keep your mind active!
- Know your triggers and make an advanced plan to manage them!
Heat is a major trigger for me. As soon as the temperature in the venue rises, I feel my anxiety kicking in. So, I always make sure to buy a bottle of water when I arrive and, in my handbag, I carry a small fan and several hairbands. I also tend to wear layers so that I can quickly remove them as necessary. On the note of clothing, I find that wearing a band t shirt or battle jacket gives me inner strength and offers me a form of protection. I also tend to keep a small amethyst crystal in my pocket, which I run my fingers over to ground me. I also carry earplugs just in case—there’s a fine line between noise and too much noise that can send me into a spiral of panic.
- Remember that not all butterflies mean danger!
The moment when it all goes dark and I’m waiting for the band to walk out is make or break for me. My stomach starts swirling with butterflies and I feel my heart racing. At this point, I take a deep breath and try to remind myself of good and bad adrenaline, that nerves can be your friends. Yes, these sensations can mean danger, but they can also mean excitement. I’m here because I want to see this band, I want to hear their music. I am strong. I can do this. My anxiety won’t get the better of me. Remember this mantra and repeat it to yourself. Let yourself be immersed in the music and embrace it. Feel the love around you. If a moment of panic comes over you, just sit with those feelings, acknowledge and accept them. Then, ground yourself with the crystal, tune back into the music and focus hard on the lyrics or the bassline.
- Take your time to leave the venue
When the concert finishes, don’t feel the need to rush out of the venue. Being swept up in a sea of people and voices can be anxiety-inducing. Instead, stay seated and breathe deeply, even close your eyes for a while. If you are with a friend, chat to them about the concert—a great way to channel your thoughts positively. Another advantage of waiting until the end is that you can often get chatting to the road crew. I’ve picked up setlists, posters and plectrums by doing this and have even met band member sometimes. And most importantly, give yourself a huge pat on the back for not just making it through the concert, but even managing to have fun too.
Best of luck!”
Check out Lauren on twitter and her academic profile. She is involved in this blog about Rory Gallagher, which has lots of mental health stuff
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