I was an introvert for a lot of years. Didn’t like socialising or going out really. I’d be the type to just stand at a bar bored wanting to go home. And I had no confidence at all. I know what changed me, all I did was transform my body. Not my mind. I went from this fat couch potato to this confident guy, it was the physical change that somehow changed me mentally too. The psychological aspect of exercise really is powerful I think and all of a sudden I became confident. Not only that I got attention. Not in an egotistical way but instead of being the guy propping the bar up that people don’t even notice I started being the guy that maybe got noticed.
Now the music bit. I was always a bedroom warrior, happily playing guitar since I was 10 to myself. I’d get nervous just playing in front of my mum ffs! The reason I never even attempted to join a band is because the thought of playing with people, let alone to people, filled me with dread. One day I was asked to be a best man. I tried getting out of it but couldn’t and I was shitting myself thinking about doing it. So I started looking into how great speakers manage to speak confidently in front of people. The biggest thing I found is the way I was thinking. My problem was I’d play scenarios in my head with numerous endings…to something that had not even actually happened. I was thinking ‘what if I freeze, what if I stutter, what if I forget the words, what if no one laughs at my jokes, what if people are criticising and laughing at me?’ My biggest fear is failure in front of others. That’s what also stopped me from joining a band.
I soon realised that trying to control things I couldn’t possibly control wasn’t helping. Instead of the negatives I also tried thinking ‘what if they love my jokes. What if everyone claps. What if I don’t stutter and deliver it perfectly?’ etc etc The day came to do the speech, a speech I had all written out ready to just read. As I got up to do it I didn’t even take it out of my pocket, instead I just delivered it from the heart if you like, not like a robot reading a script, and they loved it! I don’t know why I did that, I just did it on a whim. So then I thought “fuck it if I can do the one thing that I’m most scared of and survive I can go and play my guitar in front of people”. Then that paved the way for me to audition for a band
My main music favourites are thrash and industrial . Maybe its psychological and the reason I like aggressive music is because I’m actually a sensitive, empathetic guy so my aggressive facet is channelled through music. Apart from thai boxing I’ve never ever hit anyone in my life. I stopped thai boxing because I didn’t have that killer instinct needed. I was good and first time I smashed my opponent in the nose and sent him sprawling I felt bad inside and couldn’t stop apologising! He didn’t care but I did, that was the difference.
I like being in a band for the camaraderie, the social side of meeting new people every week, visiting different places every week and above all the love we all get from playing live music together. As well as being band mates we have also become great friends outside of the band too. We are 5 totally different personalities that become one unit from the minute the first note is played to the last. Playing live is like being on a roller coaster for 2 hours, once you get on you can’t get off so all you can do is buckle up and enjoy the ride!